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Balloween

Posted by ScooterJ October 31, 2017 Fall 2017, Week 11 View Score Sheets


With tonight being Halloween, almost half the league was bewitched by demons and unable escape from the dark presence of Satan long enough to roll. For those of us who surrounded ourselves with sufficient garlic, silver, and holy water to avoid all of the evil, here is how tonight's games went.

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! were perverted little devils constantly imagining Less Terra Bowl as mummies being slowly, sensuously unwrapped. Apparently this erotic Hallowfantasy worked in their favor. Led by Phil Schroeder and his 578 series, Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! spooked 3 wins out of Less Terra Bowl. This despite Matthew Taylor rolling yet another new personal best and new league leading series with his 671. Less Terra Bowl could only curse one of the games while unwrapping for the naughty-minded Sandbaggers. Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! remains in 1st place, while Less Terra Bowl remains in 5th.

It should be noted that, despite his bizarre mummy nudity fetish, Dennis Laube is now as of this week officially having the best season of his entire 32-season career in our league.

On lanes 3 & 4: NotContra threw themselves into the pinsetter where they were crushed to a bloody pulp, then returned from the beyond as horrible, mutilated ghosts to haunt the living crap out of The Alt-Left. Led by Aaron Barber and his 599 series, NotContra 's scary ectoplasmic terrors screamed up 3 wins against The Alt-Left. Meanwhile, led by Lefty John Boren and his 461 series, The Alt-Left could only exorcise 1 win. NotContra remains in 2nd place, while The Alt-Left drops 1 spot to 4th.

On lanes 5 & 6: Brooklyn Strikers latched their fangs onto the necks and sucked all the the blood out of DB's Rusty Nuts. Naturally, this increased the Strikers' BACs considerably. Led by best-at-everything-tonight sub / 5th-man Doug Bonney and his 611 series, Brooklyn Strikers drank a clean sweep out of the Rusty Nuts. Meanwhile, an exsanguinated Jeremy Varnell whipped out his crucifix to defend the Nuts with a 379 series, but it was just too tiny to be up to the task at hand. Brooklyn Strikers climbs 1 spot in the standings to 7th place, while DB's Rusty Nuts remains in 10th.

It should be noted that as of tonight, Doug Bonney (again, a sub) has rolled more games than full-time bowlers Steven Anthony and Mark DeVoe. Sad!

On lanes 7 & 8: Mustache Cash Stash gave razorblade-filled apples, needle-filled candy bars, LSD-laced candy, and spooky fentanyl patches with witch designs to Split It & Hit It. This resulted in the deaths of every member of Split It & Hit It, forcing a forfeit. However, the extreme guilt over their act of Halloween terror caused the Cash Stash to lose 1-1/2 games despite Michael Mead's 603 series. This is only the second time in league history that a forfiet resulted in a tied game. Split It & Hit It remains in 9th place, while Mustache Cash Stash moves up 1 spot to 3rd.

Finally, down on lanes 9 & 10: Roll, Drink, Repeat spent the majority of the evening grunting, rotting, and trying to eat the brains of Bowl Yer Ballz Off. Despite the fact that Roll-Drink were all several miles away, having rolled a few days prior to becoming undead, they somehow caused enough zombie pain to sweep the series. Sean Simmons led the horde with a 533 series, while Chadwick Andrews tried but failed to adminster some fatal head-shots with his 399 series. Roll, Drink, Repeat climbs 1 spot in the standings to 6th place, while Bowl Yer Ballz Off sinks 2 spots to 8th.

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Nobody claimed victory in Division 1 (though Aubrey Moren came closest), while nobody claimed victory in Division 2 (though Sean Simmons came closest). Lefty John Boren decimated Division 3, and Lefty Carl Goetz routed Division 4. Finally, Matthew Taylor (Division 1) spanked this week's Interdivisional bracket. In terms of overall points: Aaron Barber holds the reins in Division 1; Dennis Laube leads Division 2; Freda Schroeder tops Division 3; and JoAnne Barber dominates Division 4.

Bowlers entering The 200 Club include: Aaron Barber (210), Aubrey Moren (202), Dennis Walling (222), Doug Bonney (203,211), Matthew Taylor (233,236,202), Michael Gordon (209), Michael Mead (278), and Phil Schroeder (208)

THIS WEEK'S MVB


Doug Bonney
Runner Up:
(See Posting)

  #1 POWER BOWLER


Doug Bonney
Runner Up:
Matthew Taylor

  #1 H2H BOWLER


Doug Bonney
Runner Up:
Matthew Taylor

  FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE)
"Let me get this straight. Every October 31 my Dad is going to roll me down the sidewalk to knock over kids and take their candy? Fuck this Halloween shit. I'm out. Somebody stuff my chubby-cheeked ass back into the womb"

Frankenfrankee Gunderson, on her first Halloween.

EXPANDED STANDINGS
Pos. Team name Record Percent Total Pins Change
1 Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! 32-12 .727 21,608 n/a
2 NotContra 30-14 .682 23,017 n/a
3 Mustache Cash Stash 25.5-18.5 .580 23,795 +1
4 The Alt-Left 25-19 .568 17,017 -1
5 Less Terra Bowl 24-20 .545 21,651 n/a
6 Roll, Drink, Repeat 20-24 .455 18,174 +1
7 Brooklyn Strikers 20-24 .455 16,915 +1
8 Bowl Yer Ballz Off 18-26 .409 18,085 -2
9 Split It & Hit It 12-32 .273 17,469 n/a
10 DB's Rusty Nuts 12-32 .273 16,174 n/a

Top Individual Achievements for Week 11
Men's High Series Scratch Women's High Series Scratch
Matthew Taylor - 671
Doug Bonney - 611
Michael Mead - 603
Aaron Barber - 599
Phil Schroeder - 578
Freda Schroeder - 427
Chantal Jacot - 403
Alison Radke - 380
JoAnne Barber - 353
Men's High Series Handicap Women's High Series Handicap
Doug Bonney - 709
Matthew Taylor - 692
Sean Miller - 660
Phil Schroeder - 659
Aaron Barber - 644
Chantal Jacot - 623
Freda Schroeder - 561
Alison Radke - 557
JoAnne Barber - 554
Men's High Game Scratch Women's High Game Scratch
Michael Mead - 278
Matthew Taylor - 236
Dennis Walling - 222
Doug Bonney - 211
Aaron Barber - 210
Chantal Jacot - 177
Freda Schroeder - 167
Alison Radke - 148
JoAnne Barber - 127
Men's High Game Handicap Women's High Game Handicap
Michael Mead - 281
Doug Bonney - 243
Matthew Taylor - 243 (t)
Dennis Walling - 236
Phil Schroeder - 235
Chantal Jacot - 250
Freda Schroeder - 211
Alison Radke - 207
JoAnne Barber - 194
Men's Pins Over Average Women's Pins Over Average
Michael Mead - 82
Doug Bonney - 52
Matthew Taylor - 45
Sean Miller - 45 (t)
Phil Schroeder - 42
Lefty John Boren - 40
Dennis Walling - 40 (t)
Chantal Jacot - 69
Freda Schroeder - 23
Alison Radke - 22
JoAnne Barber - 11


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