Alright my little chickadeess, get ready to roll into the thrilling world of the Spring 2024 bowling season! This 16-week spectacle has kicked off with six teams vying for the elusive due to being non-existent championship trophy. In usual fashion JoAnne Barber led the women with a high game (167) and series (427), while AJ Hofmann handily beat all the men with a high game (211) and series (593). Let's dive into the rest of the heart-pounding action of the first league night!

On lanes 1 & 2: While the expression is normally "hand over fist", in the case of Schindler's Fists and DB Lenz a Hand the opposite occurred. Michael Gordon's dominating 524 series led Schindler's Fists to a triumphant clean sweep over the Lenz Mishandlers. Meanwhile, Doug Lenz flexed his bowling prowess with a 438 series, but unfortunately, it wasn't enough to lift Lenz Handlers from the depths of defeat. Schindler's Fists grasp the top spot in 1st place, leaving Lenz Handlers languishing in 6th.

Moving to lanes 3 & 4, the Grumpy Old Men and Glory Bowl took what should have been the night's shortest match and somehow made it the longest. AJ Hofmann, the undisputed #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head player, unleashed a mind-blowing 593 series, propelling Grumpy Old Men to a clean sweep over a stunned Glory squad. Kent Harms tried to salvage some pride for Glory with a 471 series, but the Grumps were having none of it. Grumpy Old Men claims the 2nd-place throne, while Glory can at least take solace in not being in last.

And down on lanes 5 & 6: In a gathering that resembled a mouth-watering seafood buffet, Squid Row unleashed some mystical bowling mojo against Sun Dolphins. Ben Spencer's 484 series and the mystical touch of Most Valuable Bowler Chris Windham led Squid Row to a triumphant three-win haul against the unsuspecting Dolphins. Scott Thompson valiantly led the charge for Dolphins with a 437 series, securing their lone victory. Squid Row kicks off the season in 3rd place, while Dolphins find themselves swimming in 4th.

The one bowler finding himself enjoying a private suite at The 200 Club is: AJ Hofmann (211,206)

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 3rd-place Squid Row will chuck some balls with 5th-place Glory Bowl (estimated estimated hcp 133). Squids are expected to roll a little low and get swept; while Glory is forecast to catapult their team average they rack up a sweep.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 1st-place Schindler's Fists will compete against 4th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 112). Fists might roll a little low, yet still manage to win the series; while Dolphins ought to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 6th-place DB Lenz a Hand (hcp 66) will match wits with 2nd-place Grumpy Old Men. Lenz Handlers are predicted to have a bit of an off night, yet still manage to sweep the series; while Grumps are anticipated to see their team average take a dive while they endure a rough night.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Chris Windham Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER AJ Hofmann Runner Up: Michael Gordon	#1 H2H BOWLER AJ Hofmann Runner Up: Michael Gordon
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Go ahead and bowl, I'm still trying to find my hole." Nathan Burrows, with ball firmly cupped in one hand.