The eleventh week of Fall 2026 has left the standings as motionless as the corpses in my crypt, and I, your horrifyingly demented guest correspondent am a necromancer, and I have been attempting to raise an army of the dead on these very grounds. Unfortunately, the living keep trampling through my graveyard, knocking over my tombstones, and making so much noise that even my most cooperative skeletons have requested earplugs. Not a single position in the standings changed, and I am beginning to suspect the bowlers are deliberately sabotaging my dark ambitions. There were, however, some spectacular individual performances! JoAnne Barber claimed the women's high game with 152 and high series with 411, while Matthew Taylor terrorized the men's leaderboard with a 221 game and a 614 series. Apparently, the dead aren't the only ones capable of rising from the depths. For the rest of this week's chilling details, including the latest supernatural struggle for supremacy, consult the bingo results!

Oh, what a dreadful development for my graveyard operations! The Frankenqueens arrived on lanes 1 and 2 with a wickedly narrow handicap advantage and promptly transformed their opponents into a collection of emotionally exhausted exorcism candidates. Ryan Sisco, a ball-cap-wearing gentleman with short gray hair and a healthy supply of gray stubble, unleashed a 158 in the opening game before following with a 152, proving that his undead credentials are apparently in excellent standing. Jon Little, sporting shoulder-length light-brown hair and a slight mustache that would look perfectly at home in a Victorian séance parlor, saved his grandest performance for last with a 201, the team's highest game. He also crossed the 10,000-career-pin threshold, reaching 10,254 pins! His 539 series helped propel the Frankenqueens to victories in all three games and the total series, a complete four-game sweep that left them positively electrified. Todd Kasik quietly improved on his average with two 123 games, while absent Lindsay Sargent missed the whole ghastly affair. The team's 1,622 total series was more than enough to bury the opposition's hopes, and the Frankenqueens remain in fifth place. I would congratulate them personally, but I am busy trying to persuade a skeleton to stop stealing my ceremonial candles.

Meanwhile, the 1 Witch, 3 Flying Monkeys discovered that being outnumbered by supernatural creatures is considerably less troubling than being outbowled by a bunch of queens with an appetite for destruction. JoAnne Barber, a shorter woman with long, straight black hair and the sort of determined expression one might expect from someone who has already survived several cursed forests, delivered a 152 in Game 2 and finished with a 411 series. That was the women's best series of the night, and she was clearly the team's most potent weapon, even as the rest of the flying circus struggled to take off. Chris Lenz managed a 140 in Game 2 before falling to 103 in the third, while Jeremy Varnell and Jesse Sauerbrei endured a pair of rough games apiece. Jesse did at least claw his way back from a miserable 70 in Game 2 to a 122 in Game 3, an impressive late recovery that arrived just in time for the final defeat. The team lost all three games and the series, making this a four-game sweep of the most distressing variety. Their broomsticks are grounded, their monkey business has gone bust, and they remain in third place. I offered to raise their spirits from the dead, but they informed me that they would prefer a better handicap and a less talkative necromancer.

Down on lanes 3 and 4, the Night of the Living Squid emerged from the murky depths with enough firepower to make my entire crypt reconsider its lease. Matthew Taylor, a thin gentleman with short curly black hair, a high forehead, and a magnificent frizzy black beard, delivered a performance so terrifyingly good that I briefly mistook him for the Dark Lord of the Bowling Balls. His 214 in Game 2 and 221 in Game 3 helped produce a 614 series, comfortably above his 175 average and the men's best series of the night. He also earned the week's trifecta of honors: #1 Head-to-Head, #1 Power-Ranked, and Most Valuable Bowler. That is three crowns for one squid, which is frankly an unreasonable number of hats for a creature without a conventional head. Ben Spencer contributed a 191 in Game 3, while Dennis Walling opened with a 200 and followed with a 187 before his game fell apart in the third. Scott Thompson added a strong 180 in the opener. Together, the Squids won all three games and the series, a glorious four-game sweep that left their opponents flopping on dry land. They remain in first place, and I have reluctantly concluded that raising an army of the dead may be easier than defeating this particular school of monsters.

The Fist My Fangs arrived with a name that suggested an alarming shortage of dental boundaries, but their evening quickly became an exercise in grim resignation. Scott Murdock, a tall, chubby gentleman with short brownish-gray hair, glasses, and a slight white goatee, began with a mighty 183, a remarkable 39 pins above his 144 average. For one glorious moment, it looked as though he might bite through the Squids' defenses and leave a few tentacles on the floor. Alas, his next two games settled at 136 apiece, and the rest of the team could not conjure enough points to turn the tide. AJ Hofmann, a short, thin bowler whose forward-facing ball cap and reddish-brown beard give him the air of a young man who has accidentally wandered into a vampire convention, also opened with a strong 180 before declining to 137 and 126. Tim Deddens had a difficult first two games but rallied with a 136 in the third. Jim Koger was also on the roster, but no individual scores were provided for him. The team lost all three games and the total series, completing a four-game sweep for their aquatic adversaries. Their fangs were blunted, their fists were empty, and their hopes were buried without a headstone. Fist My Fangs remains in second place, although after this performance, they may wish to change their name to Fist My Tombstone.

On lanes 5 and 6, the Demon Rats From Beyond the Dungeon crawled forth from the dampest corners of my underground estate and proceeded to demonstrate why I never leave food unattended near a rat infestation. David Schemenauer delivered the night's most astonishing individual performance, smashing out a 193 in Game 3 and finishing with a 504 series. That series was a new personal best, as was his 193 game, and his third-game score stood a whopping 49 pins above his 144 average, the highest over-average game of the entire session. I have seen lesser miracles performed by priests with much better equipment. Brandon Cook maintained a relatively steady presence, while Andy Orwig opened with a commendable 148 before sliding to 105 and 95 in the following games. The late-game slump did not prevent the team from securing victories in all three games and the total series. Their combined 1,601 was enough to sweep the match, a four-game feast that left the dungeon doors rattling with demonic delight. Kevin Hodge was absent, perhaps wisely choosing not to spend his evening among the restless spirits and hungry rodents. The Demon Rats remain in fourth place, and David's record-setting performance has inspired me to add a new chapter to my necromancy manual titled "When the Rats Are Better at Resurrection Than You Are."

The TombJobs came to work expecting a routine shift in the mausoleum, only to discover that the Demon Rats had already occupied every available cubicle and chewed through the company coffins. Kurt Fredrickson, a tall, thin gentleman with short salt-and-pepper hair and a stern expression that could freeze a freshly exhumed corpse, endured a brutal opening game of 85 before improving to 91 and then 113. It was a gradual climb from the basement of despair, but alas, the elevator to victory remained out of service. Chris Hagan, an athletic-looking bowler with very short blond hair and a youthful appearance, provided the team's highest game with a 138 in Game 2 and followed it with a 120 in the third. His contribution kept the TombJobs from being entirely swallowed by the crypt, but there was no denying the result. Brian Schaben and Mike Fitzgerald were listed among the team members, though no individual scores were supplied for either of them. The TombJobs lost every game and the total series, suffering a four-game sweep that would make even a veteran gravedigger ask for hazard pay. Their 1,413 series could not overcome the Rats' 1,601, and they remain in sixth place. I tried offering them a shovel and a fresh plot in which to bury their disappointment, but they insisted they had already spent the entire evening digging themselves into a hole.

The eleventh week has ended, and I must report a catastrophic failure of the highest necromantic order: not one team changed its position in the standings, and not one of my carefully prepared corpses has volunteered for military service. The Frankenqueens celebrated a complete sweep, the Night of the Living Squid continued its reign of terror, and the Demon Rats proved that the path to glory is apparently paved with chewed-up coffin wood. Meanwhile, the defeated teams have left my grounds littered with broken dreams, abandoned hopes, and what I believe to be three perfectly good broomsticks. Matthew Taylor's 614 series and David Schemenauer's personal-best performance have given the living plenty to celebrate, while I am left with a shovel, a half-finished army, and an increasingly hostile cemetery association. Perhaps next week the bowlers will finally depart long enough for me to complete my ritual. Until then, this is Alotta Tenpin, reporting from the sidelines of the damned, where the pins keep falling, the standings refuse to move, and the dead are beginning to ask whether they can join a bowling league instead. Happy Halloween, you magnificent mortals. May your strikes be plentiful, your splits be merciful, and your graves remain gloriously unoccupied.

Bowlers who summoned Satan at The 200 Club include: Dennis Walling (200), Jon Little (201), and Matthew Taylor (214,221)

In this week's Tournament of Champions InterDivisional brackets: Matthew Taylor rolled his ass to the top of Group 1, while Ryan Sisco eradicated Group 2. David Schemenauer claimed victory in Group 3, and Todd Kasik trounced Group 4.

In terms of overall points within each division after this Interdivisional round : Matthew Taylor dominates Division 1; Tim Deddens holds the reins in Division 2; Brandon Cook calls the shots for Division 3; and Jesse Sauerbrei governs Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 1st-place Night of the Living Squid will match wits with 6th-place TombJobs (hcp 135). Squids are expected to roll a little low, yet still manage to sweep the series; while BJs are forecast to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 3rd-place 1 Witch, 3 Flying Monkeys (hcp 10) will spend some quality time with 4th-place Demon Rats From Beyond the Dungeon. Excuses might roll a little low and get swept; while Rats ought to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 5th-place Frankenqueens (hcp 20) will roll against 2nd-place Fist My Fangs. Queenpins are predicted to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Fist My Bump is anticipated to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Matthew Taylor Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Matthew Taylor Runner Up: David Schemenauer	#1 H2H BOWLER Matthew Taylor Runner Up: Ryan Sisco
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "I had Deddens's cheese stick halfway in my mouth before I realized what I was doing." Jesse Sauerbrei, accidentally eating from Tim's plate. Suuuuuurrrrrrrre.