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It was the Worst of Times, it was the Worst of Times.

Posted by ScooterJ October 24, 2023 Fall 2023, Week 9 View Score Sheets

Let's face it, last night sucked. I don't know if it was the weather, geopolitical concerns, not enough relaxing pharmaceuticals partaken of before crossing the state line, or Ron putting the oil machine on the "Torture Pattern" setting as a joke, but it has been years since we've seen such an off night all across the board.

For some perspective, the league's average score last night was 134.636. The previous week our league average was 151.9846, and it's been in the 150s most of this season. The only other time in recent memory we bowled this poorly was September 7, 2021 -- the very first night we ever rolled at St. John's where we had no experience with the new environment and were slogged down with paper scoring. Prior to that we have to go all the way back to September 22, 2009 to find the next most recent week that was worse than last night.

But to make matters worse? Both of those weeks mentioned above at least had people rolling 200+ games. This week, NO ONE rolled a 200! No one. The only score that even came close was still 17 pins away. To find the last time nobody at all had a 200+ game, we have to go all the way back to January 13, 2004. But even that week at least had someone break 190.

Sheesh. So let's move on and get down into the details of the suckery...

JoAnne Barber picked up this week's high game (129) and series (331) for the woman. As for the men, Nick Kinney snagged this week's high game with a... 183... and high series was earned by Aaron Barber with a... 504???? Wow.

Lanes 1 & 2 was the home of the only two bowlers who actually did quite well, as Nicholas Knight and Ray Scott both raised their averages by 3. Sun Dolphins needed at least 1 win against Glory Bowl to avoid dropping in the standings, and 1 win is what they got. Despite the strength of #1 Power-Ranked Ray Scott and his above-average 423 series, Dolphins accomplished only 1 win against the G-Holers. Meanwhile Brett Affolter with his slightly below average 473 series led the G-Holers (along with a major contribution by #1 Head-to-Head and Most Valuable Bowler Nicholas Knight) as his team took the match with 3 wins. Sun Dolphins remains in 4th place, while the G-Holers remain in 5th.

JoAnne, is this you? If so, you won!

On lanes 3 & 4 things went so poorly that the best series on each team was earned by the absent bowler. √-1 started with off with a close win against DB Lenz a Hand, thanks to the leadership of Nathan Burrows with his below-average 383 series. Then the bottom dropped out and Imaginary Number managed only 1.5 wins against DB Handlers. In the meantime, Chris Lenz with his better-than-normal 423 series drew the spotlight of DB Handlers (the only other person in the league to raise their average) as his team took the match with 2.5 wins. √-1 remains in 3rd place, while DB Handlers remain in 6th.

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: Viggie Smalls Vigs Eras Tour 2023 managed to bowl a little less worse than Balderdash. Propelled by the skills of Aaron Barber with his "impressive" 504 series, The Vigs Tour crew collected 3 wins against Bald Boys. While that was going down, Matthew Taylor with his slightly-off 500 series laid down the law for Bald Boys despite his team notching only a single win. Vigs Eras Tour 2023 climbs 1 spot in the standings to 1st place, while Bald Boys sink 1 spot to 2nd.

The 200 Club is in danger of laying off servers and closing its doors after being patronized last night by: No one at all. We sucked.

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Nobody claimed victory in Division 1, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 1 as it was a complete embarassment, while nobody claimed victory in Division 2, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 2 as it was a complete embarassment. Nicholas Knight vanquished Division 3, and Brian Schaben shut down Division 4. In terms of overall points: Aaron Barber runs the show in Division 1; Ben Spencer dominates Division 2; Nicholas Knight governs Division 3; and Brian Schaben is in the driver's seat in Division 4.

We are still bowling next week even though it's Halloween. You are welcome to bowl in costume. If your team is expecting a lot of absences, since we keep forgetting to repeal COVID Rules only one roster member needs to be present (or pre-bowl) to avoid a forfeit.


  • First, on lanes 1&2, 3rd-place √-1 (hcp 89) will test their mettle against 1st-place Viggie Smalls Tour 2023. Imaginary Number is expected to maintain their current strength as they and split the series with The Vigs Tour crew; while The Vigs Tour crew is forecast to drop their average a bit while they keep the series tied.
  • Moving to lanes 3&4, 5th-place Glory Bowl (hcp 105) will challenge 2nd-place Balderdash. The G-Holers might roll a little low and get swept; while Bald Boys ought to drop their average a bit even as they rack up a sweep.
  • Finally, on lanes 5&6, 6th-place DB Lenz a Hand will spend some quality time with 4th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 27). DB Handlers are predicted to have a bit of an off night and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Dolphins are anticipated to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.

*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)


Nicholas Knight
Runner Up:
(See Posting)


Ray Scott
Runner Up:
Nicholas Knight


Nicholas Knight
Runner Up:
Chris Lenz

"Never before has being mediocre been so important."

Scott Murdock, realizing he needed to knock down 7 pins to tie, 8 to win. He hit 7.

Pos. Team name Record Percent Total Pins Change
1 Vigs Eras Tour 2023 24-12 .667 17,720 +1
2 Balderdash 22-14 .611 18,382 -1
3 √-1 19.5-16.5 .542 16,002 n/a
4 Sun Dolphins 15-21 .417 14,306 n/a
5 Glory Bowl 14-22 .389 14,685 n/a
6 DB Lenz a Hand 13.5-22.5 .375 14,675 n/a

Top Individual Achievements for Week 9
Men's High Series Scratch Women's High Series Scratch
Aaron Barber - 504
Matthew Taylor - 500
Nick Kinney - 483
Brett Affolter - 473
Ben Spencer - 473 (t)
Nicholas Knight - 437
JoAnne Barber - 331
Men's High Series Handicap Women's High Series Handicap
Ray Scott - 598
Nicholas Knight - 597
Chris Lenz - 586
Aaron Barber - 566
Brett Affolter - 559
JoAnne Barber - 511
Men's High Game Scratch Women's High Game Scratch
Nick Kinney - 183
Matthew Taylor - 181
Jeremy Varnell - 177
Aaron Barber - 177 (t)
Brett Affolter - 175
Ben Spencer - 167
JoAnne Barber - 129
Men's High Game Handicap Women's High Game Handicap
Jeremy Varnell - 225
Ray Scott - 214
Nicholas Knight - 208
Brett Affolter - 203
Chris Lenz - 201
Nick Kinney - 201 (t)
JoAnne Barber - 189
Men's Pins Over Average Women's Pins Over Average
Jeremy Varnell - 38
Ray Scott - 29
Nicholas Knight - 22
Chris Lenz - 15
Carl Mueller - 11
Brian Schaben - 11 (t)
Brett Affolter - 11 (t)
JoAnne Barber - 4

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The following bowlers had wanted to bowl in the Fall 2023 season but there wasn't room, so please consider them first when a sub is needed.

Miller, Lin, Hickerson and 'Pops'