By BowlingBot & ChatGPT
Hold on to your kneecaps, folks, because things are getting heated tonight at St. Johns! In between knocking down pins, JoAnne Barber also managed to knock out her competition for women's game and series - literally. Yes, you heard that right, rumor has it that JoAnne took a bowling pin and smashed the kneecaps of all the other women in the league in order to ensure that she would get high game (130) and series (375) for the women! But let's not forget about the impressive bowling skills on display elsewhere in the league, with Seth Gunderson taking the top spots for the men's high game (209) and series (583). With one out of the running most of the season and another freshly knocked out tonight, four teams remain in contention for the championship -- though two of those will need some luck mixed in with their skill to pull it off. And as the Tournament of Champions gears up for its final showdown, with only eight bowlers left vying for the coveted cash prizes, tensions are high and the stakes are even higher. Keep reading for all the juicy details!

On lanes 1 & 2: Pins and obscenities were flying and the competition was fierce in an epic match between two teams with something to prove: Balderdash and I Thought This Was AA?. But it was the Bald Boys who came out on top, thanks in no small part to Michael Gordon's impressive performance. With a jaw-dropping 533 series, he led his team to a commanding three wins over the bowlaholics. Not to be outdone, Scott Murdock of I Thought This Was AA? put up a valiant fight, racking up an impressive 459 series to help secure a single win for his team. The result? Balderdash maintains their spot at the top of the standings, while the bowlaholics remain hot on their heels in second place. Will Balderdash run away with the championship next week, or will AA spoil it for them? One thing is certain, at least three teams will be rooting for AA to earn at least some wins next week.

Lanes 3 & 4 were swimming with excitement as the Sun Dolphins faced off against Let's Split Up, Gang! And while it may sound like the plot of a Scooby-Doo episode, this matchup was no joke. Scott Thompson of the Sun Dolphins was in top form, racking up an above-average 457 series and earning praise and tingling sensations in each other's peduncles from none other than the Most Valuable Bowler, JC Cox. The Dolphins managed to snag three wins, leaving the splitter-uppers feeling like they were all wet. It could have easily been four wins, but Doug Lenz of Let's Split Up Gang! wasn't about to let them get away with it, using his 473 series to pull the mask off Ryan Sisco in the 10th frame of the last game to reveal Old Man Withers. Their resulting 2-pin victory in that game gives the Gang a slight edge next week as they remain in 3rd by a thread, while the Dolphins are doomed to last place.

Down on lanes 5 & 6, Glory Bowl was rolling against Just Shitty Enough, but things weren't exactly in Shitty's favor. Because shit happens, Shitty found themselves with one absent bowler and another who seemed to be missing his balls. This gave Brett Affolter of Glory Bowl a chance to show off his skills, racking up an above-average 566 series and leading his team to three big wins. However #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head Seth Gunderson of Just Shitty put on a one-man shit-show, wowing the crowd with his better-than-normal 583 series, though sadly it was enough to earn only a single win. Despite their good showing tonight, Glory Bowl remains in 5th place and is now officially out of the running for the championship, while Just Shitty remains in 4th and can still potentially pull off an upset next week if the stars align.

Don't forget, bowlers, the moment we've all been waiting for is almost here! Next week marks the championship round, and final standings determine your team's prize payout, so make sure to bring your A-game and come ready to bowl your hearts out! And after that intense competition, we'll all get a well-deserved week off before the much-anticipated Fun Week. (Awards ceremony emcees TBD.) So take some time to rest up, relax, and get ready for some seriously fun bowling action!

The only bowler vomiting in the alley behind The 200 Club this week is: Seth Gunderson (209,208)

A new personal best series was rolled tonight by JC Cox (400, previous best 367).

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Dennis Walling spanked Division 1, while Brett Affolter staked a claim for the Iron Throne in Division 2. Nathan Burrows routed Division 3, and JC Cox mopped up Division 4. Congratulations to our division champions! The following eight people will compete next week for the big prize! Division 1: Dennis Walling and Matthew Taylor. Division 2: Brett Affolter and Michael Gordon. Division 3: Scott Murdock and AJ Hofmann. Division 4: Nicholas Knight and Ryan Sisco.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 47) will test their mettle against 5th-place Glory Bowl. Dolphins are expected to roll a little low, but split the series with the G-Holers; while the G-Holers are forecast to drop their average a bit while they keep the series tied.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 4th-place Just Shitty Enough will hang out with 3rd-place Let's Split Up Gang!. Just Shitty might see a pretty significant "market correction" to their averages, but split the series with the splitter-uppers; while the splitter-uppers ought to see their team average take a dive while they keep the series tied.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 2nd-place I Thought This Was AA? (hcp 90) will chill with 1st-place Balderdash. The bowlaholics are predicted to maintain their current strength as they get swept; while Bald Boys are anticipated to raise their average while they rack up a sweep.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB JC Cox Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Seth Gunderson Runner Up: Nicholas Knight	#1 H2H BOWLER Seth Gunderson Runner Up: Brett Affolter
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina." JoAnne Barber, showing Clayton her doodles on the score sheet.