The ninth week of Spring 2023 saw three sets of sweeps, resulting in three teams climbing in the standings while two teams slipped. JoAnne Barber picked up this week's high game (171) and series (478) for the woman, while John Boren earned this week's high game (203) and series (580) for the men. Read on for all the rest of the details! BUT, TAKE NOTICE! Out of laziness, curiosity, and a need to spend my time working on other matters, this week's recap has been (mostly) ghost-written by ChatGPT. So... sit back and enjoy the ride!

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: In a thrilling match between two competitive bowling teams, I Thought This Was AA? emerged victorious with a resounding 4-0 win over their opponents, Balderdash. From the very first frame, it was clear that the members of "I Thought This Was AA?" were in top form, consistently knocking down pins with precision and accuracy. Starring trifecta-winner (Most Valuable Bowler, #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head) AJ Hofmann and his magnificent 536 series, the bowlaholics locked up a clean sweep over Bald Boys. Despite their best efforts (led by Ben Spencer with his 490 series), the members of "Balderdash" simply couldn't keep up with the skill and determination of their opponents. The victors celebrated their hard-fought win with high fives and cheers, while "Balderdash" was left visibly angry and frustrated by their loss, blaming the game's outcome on lanes 1&2, but vowed to regroup and plan their comeback for the next match. I Thought This Was AA? climbs 1 spot in the standings to 4th place, while Bald Boys sink 1 spot to 5th.

Click to go to sweep

On lanes 3 & 4: Let's Split Up Gang! put on an impressive performance in their bowling match against the Sun Dolphins, securing a convincing 4-0 victory. The team's top bowler this week, James Tott, led the charge, bowling an astounding 542 series, while his teammates rallied behind him, consistently knocking down pins with precision and accuracy. Despite a valiant effort by the "Sun Dolphins," led by Scott Thompson's impressive 434 series, they were unable to overcome the skill and teamwork of their opponents. In the end, "Let's Split Up, Gang" were ecstatic as they celebrated their clean-sweep victory. Fist-bumping and hugging each other, they couldn't contain their joy at their amazing performance. However, on the other side of the alley, the losing team "Sun Dolphins" is hatching a sinister plan to get revenge. Their captain, Flipper, is fuming with anger and is determined to make "Let's Split" pay for their defeat. With a vengeful glint in their eyes, the team members start to plot their revenge, discussing how to "porpoisely" take down their rivals. Let's hope "Let's Split" watches their backs, or they might be swimming with the fishes soon enough! Sun Dolphins remains in 6th place, while the splitter-uppers move up 1 spot to... 1st. (!!!!)

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: In a dramatic showdown between Just Shitty Enough and Glory Bowl, the former emerged victorious with a commanding 4-0 win. John Boren led the way for the winning team, bowling an impressive 580 series that propelled his team to success. Despite Brett Affolter's above-average 543 series for "Glory Bowl," his team was unable to keep up with the outstanding performance of their opponents. The members of "Just Shitty Enough" celebrated their hard-earned win with high-fives and cheers, while the defeated team of "Glory Bowl" hung their heads in disappointment. The sound of sniffling and soft sobs could be heard from their team, knowing they gave their all but still fell short. However, they vowed to come back stronger and fight harder in the next match, determined to not let their tears go to waste. Glory Bowl plummets 2 spots in the standings to 3rd place, while Just Shitty moves up 1 spot to 2nd.

Bowlers who lied to their significant other claiming bowling was running long then went out for after-bowling drinks at The 200 Club include: John Boren (203)

JoAnne Barber earned both this season's women's high game and series with her 171 and 478, respectively.

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: John Boren whipped Division 1, while James Tott shut down Division 2. JoAnne Barber trounced Division 3, and nobody claimed victory in Division 4, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 4 as it was a complete embarassment. In terms of overall points: John Boren and Carl Goetz top Division 1 in a tie; Brett Affolter and Kent Harms call the shots in Division 2 in a tie; Scott Thompson is in the driver's seat in Division 3; and Jim Koger runs the show in Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 56) will chill with 3rd-place Glory Bowl. Dolphins are expected to roll a little low and get swept; while the G-Holers are forecast to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 5th-place Balderdash (hcp 38) will tussle with 2nd-place Just Shitty Enough. Bald Boys might roll a little low and get swept; while Just Shitty ought to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 1st-place Let's Split Up Gang! will roll against 4th-place I Thought This Was AA? (hcp 12). The splitter-uppers are predicted to roll decently and sweep the series; while the bowlaholics are anticipated to hold steady as they endure a rough night.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB AJ Hofmann Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER AJ Hofmann Runner Up: JoAnne Barber	#1 H2H BOWLER AJ Hofmann Runner Up: John Boren
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Oh, excuse me, I need to take this call." answers phone "Hi, Mom... what? No, I'm not busy. I'm just bowling with some friends. Yeah, I got your lasagna recipe, I'll make it this weekend. Wait, why are you whispering? Who's there with you? Oh my god, you're at the bowling alley too? Please don't come over here, I'm trying to look cool in front of my friends. Mom, no, don't bring me a sweater, I don't need it. Okay, fine, I'll come say hi. Just don't embarrass me, please." sighs and hangs up "Guys, I gotta go say hi to my mom. Be right back." Carl Goetz, according to ChatGPT, when ChatGPT was asked how Carl might react if Freda Schroeder made a surprise visit to St. John's.