The second week of Fall 2025 didn’t just shuffle the standings—it sent shockwaves through the league. Three hungry contenders clawed their way up, while three stumbled into the shadows. Amid the clatter of pins and the roar of the crowd, one bowler etched a new personal best into history. JoAnne Barber seized the women’s spotlight with a blazing high game of 133 and a commanding series of 388, while Ben Spencer thundered to the top among the men with a ferocious 231 high game and a mighty 568 series. The drama only escalates from here—read on for the full saga, and don't forget to check out the bingo results, too!

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: In a battle of good against, uh, also good I guess, the cuddly kittens of FFK pounced into the spotlight against the intimidatingly tragic No! Not Theo!. Fueled by Nathan Burrows and his blistering 428 series, Fluffykins stormed the lanes, taking a breathtaking clean sweep. Substitute Ryan Sisco lent his (maybe not so) steady hand, helping cement victory. Cheers erupted as FFK rocketed three places up the standings into 3rd. “We were unstoppable tonight—our pins were falling as if kittens were knocking vases off a table,” laughed Cat Atwood, nearly breathless with excitement. Meanwhile, Buck Nasty stood tall for Not Theo! with his 497 series, but even his defiant strikes couldn’t halt the collapse. The team felt the crushing weight of being swept, sliding three painful rungs down to 4th. “We’ll rise again,” vowed Seth Gunderson, his voice heavy with frustration, “but tonight, it felt like we were the litterbox.”

On lanes 3 & 4: In a matchup that seemed more like a Greek tragedy than a bowling night, the gritty Gutterly Hopeless took on the surging Squid Row. Though once again missing Jacob Holst entirely and with Jeremy Varnell only able to appear for two of three games, JoAnne Barber fought valiantly with her commanding 388 series. Her efforts nearly stole a game—but in the cruelest twist of fate, Hopeless fell short by a single pin, though that was enough to narrowly avoid a sweep. “We were one pin from rewriting history,” Chris Lenz sighed, his shoulders heavy with disbelief. The heartbreak dropped Hopeless to 5th place. Meanwhile, Squid Row — powered by Ben Spencer’s sensational 568 and flanked by Most Valuable Bowler, #1 Head-to-Head, and #1 Power-Ranked Dennis Walling — surged forward. Their 3.5-win conquest vaulted them into 1st place. “When the tentacles are in sync, nobody escapes... except maybe for that one pin,” Scott Thompson declared, grinning ear to ear as the team basked in the glory of the climb.

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: It was yuuuge, folks, absolutely incredible—the Trump's Tariff Turkeys versus Bowls Deep. And let me tell you, the Tariff Turkeys? They won big. Really big. They don’t mess around like those Democrat-run teams, they came in strong and they left even stronger. Scott Murdock—terrific guy, very smart—rolled a 508 series, above average, very classy. With Tim Deddens and AJ Hofmann backing him up, the Turkeys didn’t just win, they did a clean sweep. A total and complete victory, believe me. “It felt like we brought in the National Guard to shut down those lanes,” Murdock boasted, fist pumping with pride. Now, Bowls Deep—some people call them “Deeeeeep,” which is very funny, maybe the funniest nickname in bowling—had Carl Mueller. Great effort, wonderful 466 series, but let’s be honest: when you get swept, you get swept. Nothing you can do. Mike Fitzgerald shook his head, muttering, “It felt like tariffs came down on us, hard.” Bowls Deep sank to 6th, while the Tariff Turkeys strutted proudly into 2nd. Big Beautiful bowling, folks. Big Beautiful. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

The pins fell, the standings shifted, and the echoes of triumph and despair still hang heavy in the air. FFK’s clean sweep announced them as a contender, Squid Row claimed the throne, and the Tariff Turkeys strutted like victors of old. Meanwhile, the crushed cries of No! Not Theo!, Gutterly Hopeless, and Bowls Deep serve as a reminder that fortune favors no one for long. With the season tightening and rivalries heating up, only one truth remains: next week, the drama will only grow louder.

Bowlers who stripped naked and shared a cozy hot tub together in a back room at The 200 Club include: Ben Spencer (231), Dennis Walling (205), and Matthew Taylor (212)

A new personal best series was rolled tonight by Carl Mueller (466, previous best 417).

JoAnne Barber claimed the season's women's high series with her 388. In addition, Ben Spencer nabbed this season's men's high game with his 231.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place Bowls Deep (estimated estimated hcp 6) will share a couple of pitchers with 5th-place Gutterly Hopeless. Deeeeeep is expected to maintain their current strength as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Hopeless are forecast to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 2nd-place Trump's Tariff Turkeys will chill with 3rd-place FFK (estimated hcp 60). Tariff Turkeys might roll a little low and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Fluffykins ought to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 1st-place Squid Row (hcp 20) will throw some gutter balls with 4th-place No! Not Theo!. Squids are predicted to have a bit of an off night and get swept; while Not Theo! is anticipated to raise their average while they rack up a sweep.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Dennis Walling Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Dennis Walling Runner Up: AJ Hofmann	#1 H2H BOWLER Dennis Walling Runner Up: AJ Hofmann
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Sometimes I wish he did work for Jungle Law. I'd like his billboards more if he were swinging from a vine." Scoot, on Carl Mueller's career choice -- as well as his preference to wear a suit instead of a loincloth.