The fifth week of Spring 2026 detonated like a confetti cannon fired by a clown in oversized bowling shoes: one team clawed their way up the standings ladder while another took a slippery slide down it, and the lanes themselves seemed to gasp between frames. Alotta Tenpin here, reporting from the little table with the Megatouch game, with a breaking update that JoAnne Barber lit the fuse for the women with this week’s high game (137) and high series (376), while the men went full blockbuster mode as Seth Gunderson launched a 224 for high game and Ben Spencer unfurled a mighty 572 for high series. If that sounds like a highlight reel, buckle up. The pins fell, the crowd leaned in, and destiny did that dramatic slow clap thing. Catch every twist, turn, and wobble… then check this week’s bingo results.

Game 1 may have been a close shave, but can you say the same for that beard?

3 Pins and a Gutter
The Gutter crew arrived with grit, guile, and one eye on those pesky gutters that keep trying to recruit new members. They grabbed Game 1 by the narrowest of margins, a three-point squeaker that brushed past them like a close shave with fate, the kind of finish that leaves your heart beating in your throat. After that, the night tilted away, and the sting of dropping the next two and the series hit them like a sudden rain squall on a picnic. Jeremy Varnell carried himself with the easy confidence of someone who owns his space on the approach, curly hair bouncing beneath his cap as if the lanes themselves were leaning in to listen, and he backed it up with the team’s highest game of the night, a 158, before wobbling in Game 2 and steadying the wheel again. Jesse Sauerbrei took the scenic route through the gutter with a 69 and then climbed into the 90s like a runner finding his second wind. JoAnne Barber was the steady drumbeat in the chaos, stacking a 137 and a 125 to take this week’s women’s high game and series honors with a 376; “I just aimed at the shiny arrow,” JoAnne laughed, though I’m pretty sure "shiny" is not how arrows look in bowling, but the pins clearly agreed. Nathan Burrows was absent, and the Gutter ship missed that ballast. When your name dares the lane to doom you, every split feels personal, and tonight felt personal; they now sit in 6th place in the standings, holding steady.

Walk Offs
The Walk Offs lived up to their name by striding away with two of three and the series, their excitement fizzing like champagne uncorked too fast. Kurt Fredrickson led with the team’s highest game at 153 and a 382 series, his posture all straight lines and quiet resolve, like a man who carries a blueprint for pressure and never shows the smudges, and I won’t pretend I didn’t swoon as I noticed the calm way he held the moment. Brian Schaben metronomed the tempo, keeping the rhythm steady when the moment begged for panic. They lost that opener by just three points, a whisker-thin miss that felt like the razor grazing without drawing blood, then answered with two wins that felt like closing arguments delivered with poise. “We just kept walking toward the pins until they agreed with us,” Kurt said, and somehow the alley nodded back; the Walk Offs remain in 5th place in the standings, no movement.

Did Scott lose the bowling bet already? Game 1 was as close a shave as it gets, but this is ridiculous.

Thots & Spares
Thots & Spares stole Game 1 by a single, lonely point, a finish so tight it felt like when I put by daughter's training bra on by mistake. The celebration barely cooled before the next two games slipped away, and the series followed, leaving the team staring at the ceiling tiles like they were counting constellations for answers. Scott Murdock rolled with the relaxed swagger of someone who’s made friends with every bartender in town, and when he posted the team’s highest game at 191 en route to a 514 series, the lanes seemed to lean in closer to listen. Jim Koger steadied the floorboards, Tim Deddens tripped over the opening scene before delivering a third-act surge with a 141, and AJ Hofmann and his neti pot were spending an intimate evening at home, leaving an empty chair that felt louder than the music. “Third game me finally showed up,” Tim said, and the nods around him were sympathetic and real. For a team named Thots & Spares, the night felt like a flirtation that nearly worked; they now sit in 4th place in the standings, down a spot.

Hot-n-Ready®
Hot-n-Ready® shook off that one-point nick in Game 1 and cranked the thermostat, turning the lanes into a kiln of momentum with two commanding wins and the series. Seth Gunderson plated a 224 for the team’s high game and served a 571 series, both well above his usual sizzle, while quietly marking his 250th career 200+ game like a chef hanging another medal in the kitchen. Nick Kinney’s 209 added spice, #1 Head-to-Head Ian Estey brought steady heat and saved a jaw-dropping 6-7-10 split, and Buck Nasty kept the seasoning balanced. Ian moved through the approach with a whipcord quickness and a focused gaze that made it feel like the air itself was lining up for him, and I caught myself rooting for the breeze to keep its direction. “We just turned the temperature up,” Seth said, and the alley answered with steam; Hot-n-Ready® remains in 2nd place in the standings, standing pat.

That series loss was enough of a close shave for Jon, who says 'HELL NO' to anyone coming near his locks with a razor.

The Queenpins
The Queenpins fenced with tentacles and nearly pulled off a royal heist, splitting the games and losing the total series by a single, cruel point, the ultimate close shave of the night, the kind that makes you check twice just to be sure you’re still standing. The devastation lingered even as they climbed to third place, because losses by a hair tend to echo. Most Valuable Bowler Jon Little stepped up with the hush-before-the-chorus energy of a musician about to land the perfect note, long hair swaying as he found the rhythm of the lane, and his new personal best 531 series rang through the alley like a bell. Dustin Schmeltz crowned the night with the team’s highest game at 190, Lindsay Sargent floated above her average early before her teammates being sticklers for the rules led to her drifting back to earth, and Ryan Sisco shook off an opening stumble to snag an impressive 7-9 split and surge with a 172. “We curtsied to the pins and they still wouldn’t bow,” Jon smiled, and the Queenpins answered with poise anyway; they now sit in 3rd place in the standings, up a spot.

Squid Row
Squid Row opened with a tidal surge at 753 in Game 1, then weathered two choppier seas, and still surfaced with the series by that same single, heartbeat-thin point. Relief washed over them along with the joy of holding first place, because surviving by inches feels like stepping out of a storm with your hat still on your head. #1 Power-Ranked Ben Spencer stood at the line like a lighthouse cutting through fog, tall and unmistakable against the glow of the lanes, and his 222 soared 52 pins over his average on the way to a 572 series that lit the horizon. Matthew Taylor kept the current honest, Dennis Walling splashed in with a 201 before cooling off, and Chris Windham rallied the crew with sleeves that waved like signal flags. “We hugged the edge of the reef,” Ben said, and the Squids did just enough to avoid the rocks; Squid Row remains in 1st place in the standings, same slot.

The lanes staged a full melodrama tonight, complete with milestone fireworks, split conversions that felt like sleight of hand, and margins so thin they made the scoreboard hold its breath. From JoAnne Barber’s women’s honors to Seth Gunderson and Ben Spencer trading heavyweight blows, Spring 2026 Week 5 proved that momentum changes shoes between frames. This is Alotta Tenpin, now accidentally locked inside alone in the dark, because Alex forgot he was my ride home. If you're reading this, for the love of God, please send someone to let me out, the popcorn supply is almost gone.

Bowlers sneaking into The 200 Club include: Ben Spencer (222), Dennis Walling (201), Nick Kinney (209), and Seth Gunderson (224)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Ian Estey dominated Division 1, while Scott Murdock whipped Division 2. Nobody claimed victory in Division 3 (though Jim Koger came closest), and nobody claimed victory in Division 4 (though Lindsay Sargent came closest). In terms of overall points: Matthew Taylor reigns over Division 1; Scott Murdock runs the show in Division 2; Chris Hagan calls the shots for Division 3; and Jeremy Varnell tops Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 2nd-place Hot-n-Ready® will match wits with 1st-place Squid Row. The Ready® is expected to roll a little low and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Squids are forecast to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 3rd-place The Queenpins will spend some quality time with 5th-place Walk Offs (hcp 100). Queenpins might roll a little low, but split the series with Walkers; while Walkers ought to hold steady as they keep the series tied.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 6th-place 3 Pins and a Gutter (hcp 82) will face 4th-place Thots & Spares. Gutterly Pinned is predicted to maintain their current strength as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Thots are anticipated to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Jon Little Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Ben Spencer Runner Up: Jon Little	#1 H2H BOWLER Ian Estey Runner Up: Jon Little
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Missed it by just the width of a dick hair." Tim, describing his disappointment over a ball that missed the pin by microns.