Hi, I’m Alotta Tenpin, reporting live from the St. John’s snack bar in the aftermath of another night of Gutter Alley league action, and let me tell you, I have french fry grease on my notebook, marinara sauce in my hair, and even though I got Karlovačko splashed all over my favorite bright blue blazer while I interviewed the first team, forcing me to change outfits, I have absolutely zero regrets. The fourth week of Spring 2026 looked frozen on paper, but the lanes themselves threw on beads and refused to behave. One bowler rolled a new personal best game and I am fairly certain the snack bar fridge rattled in fear. JoAnne Barber calmly claimed the women’s high game (127) and high series (349), while Scott Murdock unleashed a 253 for the men’s high game, and Matthew Taylor stitched together a towering 615 to take the men’s high series. I briefly told someone this was the highest series in alley history (I found out later it is not, but it felt historic), and the Tournament of Champions officially roared to life for 13 weeks of one-on-one drama. The standings refused to budge, but the night itself danced straight into this week’s bingo results.

Squid Row
From my post wedged between the beer bottles and taquitos, Squid Row surged onto the lanes like a parade float that forgot it wasn’t amphibious. Even with two absences thinning the school, one due to a birthday and one due to a bad back, the remaining tentacles were everywhere at once. Matthew Taylor, who would later be crowned the night’s trifecta king with #1 Head-to-Head, #1 Power-Ranked, and Most Valuable Bowler, built that legend frame by frame. His 226 soared far above his average and powered a monstrous 615 series that reset the season’s high-water mark. Squid Row dropped the first two games — nearly leading to Dennis Walling entering the game against medical advice before his teammates padlocked his back brace to a stool. No longer needing to worry about his safety they roared back to take Game 3 and the overall series, finishing the night with two wins out of four points. Ben Spencer hovered right around his average, the lighthouse in the storm. This team hogged both birthday spotlights this evening, as birthday cheers erupted for Matthew Taylor, and teammates made sure to shout happy birthday to Chris Windham back home. “We were dead in the water, then suddenly we were the tide,” Ben Spencer told me, beads bouncing off his collar. Winning the series after early losses had Squid Row visibly thrilled, and despite the stumble early, they keep their tentacles gripped on 1st place.

Thots & Spares
Thots & Spares marched onto the lanes like parade marshals who had rehearsed the route twice and brought extra confetti just in case. They claimed the first two games with swagger and the kind of early confidence that makes you start composing victory speeches in your head. Scott Murdock’s 253 didn’t just lead the team, it shook the building, landing nearly a hundred pins over his average and instantly becoming the loudest moment of the night. Tim Deddens backed him up with two games well above his norm, showing the kind of consistency that makes you start checking the lanes for hidden magnets. Jim Koger rode a wild swing, dipping well below his average in one game before rebounding to help secure those early wins, and the mood around the table felt like a parade float slowly gaining speed. Then the beads slipped late, the route curved unexpectedly, and the final frames went sideways. Thots & Spares finished with two wins out of four points, splitting the match and losing the series by a narrow margin that felt bigger than the numbers on the board. “We danced early and tripped on the beads late,” Scott Murdock laughed, still glowing from that personal best blast. The split kept them frustratingly stuck in 3rd place, which is the kind of position that feels like standing right behind the rope line, watching the float go by without tossing you a single bead.

The Queenpins
The Queenpins came out with that regal posture that says, yes, we expect applause, thank you for noticing. When the middle game wobbled and the crown tilted, the glances between frames looked like a silent pep talk. Dustin Schmeltz answered with a stinging 215 that soared above his average and reset the tempo of the entire match, the kind of shot that straightens spines and lifts chins. Jon Little opened strong, dipped badly in the middle, then surged late with a big finishing game that slammed the door on any lingering doubt. Lindsay Sargent quietly climbed across the set, while Ryan Sisco battled through below-average frames and refused to let the crown tumble into the gutter. The Queenpins walked away with three wins out of four points, and winning at least three games had them genuinely buzzing with excitement, like they had just caught the best throw of beads on the route. “We remembered we were royalty,” Dustin Schmeltz told me, adjusting imaginary ermine. Even with that commanding performance, the standings refused to move, leaving the Queenpins stubbornly stuck in 4th place, which feels especially rude when you just won three games.

3 Pins and a Gutter
For 3 Pins and a Gutter, the parade route felt uphill and slick with spilled soda. Jesse Sauerbrei struggled well below his average all night, and every missed pin seemed to echo longer than the last. JoAnne Barber flashed moments of steadiness, but couldn’t quite pull the team out of the channel’s gravity. Nathan Burrows fought through uneven frames before rallying late with the team’s top game, and Jeremy Varnell kept the group breathing with steady climbs that felt like small victories stacked on top of each other. They scraped together one win out of four points, and losing three games left the team visibly deflated, though not broken. “We kept finding three pins, and the gutter kept finding us,” Jeremy Varnell told me, and I nodded so hard I nearly dropped my wing basket. The loss kept them firmly stuck in 6th place, which feels like marching at the back of the parade, still playing the music while watching the floats drift farther away.

Hot-n-Ready®
Hot-n-Ready® rolled out like a kitchen on full blast, timing tight, heat high, no waiting. From the first frame, the rhythm looked ruthless. Seth Gunderson sealed the sweep with a 209 that soared above his average in the finale, the kind of closing punch that makes the handshake line feel ceremonial. Ian Estey dipped sharply below his norm in the middle game, then roared back in the final game to help keep the oven hot, which is my favorite bowling arc because it feels like a montage with inspirational music. Buck Nasty had a strong middle before fading late, but by then the outcome was already written in bold marker. Hot-n-Ready® swept all four points, and winning every game left them electric with excitement, the kind of joy that makes people start planning next week’s victory speech immediately. “We came in Hot-n-Ready and left Hot-n-Relentless,” Seth Gunderson told me, and I underlined it twice. And yet, despite the perfect night, the standings refused to budge, keeping them infuriatingly stuck in 2nd place, which feels illegal when you just didn’t lose a single game. I had to check the rule book on that, because it felt so wrong.

Walk Offs
The Walk Offs walked straight into a storm and did not find shelter. Carl Mueller opened strong above his average before the rhythm slipped away, and you could feel the momentum leak frame by frame. Kurt Fredrickson never quite found a groove, grinding out frames that kept the game alive longer than expected. Chris Hagan rallied late with the team’s top game, throwing a few frames that had the bench perking up before reality closed in again. The Walk Offs were swept, losing all four points, and losing every game turned the night into full Mardi Gras melodrama, the kind where the music fades and you realize the parade already turned the corner without you. “We walked on, and the lanes walked all over us,” Chris Hagan told me with a crooked grin. The sweep left them devastated but not defeated, and it kept them frustratingly stuck in 5th place, staring at the standings like they might blink first and move.

By the time the pinsetters finally went quiet, the alley looked like the morning after a parade: beads everywhere, echoes in the rafters, and greasy fingerprints on every surface. Matthew Taylor’s explosive series and Scott Murdock’s personal-best blast gave the night its thunder, while three-game triumphs, heartbreaking splits, and one ruthless sweep filled out the rhythm section. The Tournament of Champions has begun its 13-week march, the standings remain frozen in their familiar order, and yet everything about this night felt loud, alive, and joyfully chaotic. One last wave of cheers rolled down the lanes for Chris Windham and Matthew Taylor, because birthdays deserve spectacle, even when one of the honorees has to be celebrated from afar. From the St. John’s snack bar, with grease on my notes and wing sauce threatening my pen, this was Mardi Gras with pins.

Bowlers rolling into The 200 Club include: Dustin Schmeltz (215), Ian Estey (203), Matthew Taylor (226), Scott Murdock (253), and Seth Gunderson (209)

A new personal high game was set tonight by Scott Murdock (253, previous best 247).

Adding to the excitement, the 615 rolled by Matthew Taylor is this season's new high series for men.

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Matthew Taylor staked a claim for the Iron Throne in Division 1, while Scott Murdock spanked Division 2. Chris Hagan mopped up Division 3, and Jeremy Varnell won Division 4. In terms of overall points: Matthew Taylor is in the driver's seat in Division 1; Scott Murdock leads Division 2; Chris Hagan reigns over Division 3; and Jeremy Varnell runs the show in Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place 3 Pins and a Gutter will socialize with 5th-place Walk Offs (hcp 1). Gutterly Pinned is expected to maintain their current strength as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Walkers are forecast to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 3rd-place Thots & Spares (hcp 82) will tussle with 2nd-place Hot-n-Ready®. Thots might roll a little low and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while The Ready® ought to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 4th-place The Queenpins (hcp 84) will test their mettle against 1st-place Squid Row. Queenpins are predicted to have a bit of an off night and get swept; while Squids are anticipated to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Matthew Taylor Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Matthew Taylor Runner Up: Scott Murdock	#1 H2H BOWLER Matthew Taylor Runner Up: Dustin Schmeltz
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Im waiting.. still waiting... why isn't anyone saying 'bonus balls'???" Scott Murdock, before being humiliated when he looked back at the lane and realized one pin failed to fall from what he thought was a walk-off 10th-frame strike