A hush fell over the lanes this week... the kind of hush you hear before absolute, thunderous, pin-crushing chaos—and, increasingly, before someone brings up the ballroom. Week 13 of Spring 2026 arrived with all the drama of a blockbuster finale and somehow... not a single inch of movement in the standings. Stagnation? Technically yes. Electrifying? Also yes. Hi, I’m Alotta Tenpin, your sideline siren of strikes and mildly concerned observer of league logistics. For 150 years—yes, I’m told since approximately the invention of varnished wood—the league has been clamoring for a proper ballroom addition to this bowling alley. “For security,” they say. And after tonight, I’m beginning to think they might be onto something.

And somewhere in the distance, you could almost hear the call: “Are you ready for the strike ball twist?”—followed by the thunder of bowling pins answering back. JoAnne Barber lit up the women’s side with a sparkling 145 game and 407 series, while Jon Little absolutely detonated the building with a monstrous 257 game and a jaw-dropping 642 series. That’s not just bowling, that’s performance art—like someone shouting across the lanes, “Okay team, now hit ‘em all down!” For more nail-biting excitement, check out this week's bingo results.

The dashing heroes of Walk Offs stepped into battle against the tentacled tacticians of Squid Row, and oh honey, this one had more twists than a mystery novel—and just enough sideline commotion to keep the “ballroom proposal committee” whispering. It felt like someone in the back was yelling, “Hey Mike! Hey Chris! Let’s see some action on lane two!”

For the Walk Offs, things started with a bang but fizzled like a soda left open overnight. They snagged Game 1 with a strong 680, and you could hear the celebratory high-fives echoing into the snack bar—like a crowd chanting for just one more strike before the music stops. Mike Fitzgerald, tall and silver-haired with the composed air of a man who absolutely has a favorite stool (or stool softener) somewhere, led the charge with a stellar 404 series, including a clutch 150 in Game 3. Chris Hagan came out hot with a 153—well above average—looking like a man at the back. As a matter of fact, his eyes are as red as a sun. Brian Schaben had a quieter night below his average, but kept things steady. Still, after dropping Games 2 and 3 and the series, the Walk Offs looked deflated. “There was a cross-breeze. Indoors. I can’t prove it, but I felt it,” Mike Fitzgerald said, eyeing the ventilation like it owed him money. "A proper ballroom would be more airtight," he added. One win only, and they remain in 5th place, feeling the sting.

Squid Row, meanwhile, surged like a tide rolling in—like the rhythm suddenly kicked up and everyone found their stride. After a slow start in Game 1, they exploded in Game 2 with a massive 760—an absolute splash. Matthew Taylor, with his tightly curled hair and thoughtful intensity, delivered a dominant 572 series, highlighted by a sizzling 225 game that had the lanes practically shouting back. Dennis Walling came alive late with a 199 in Game 3, and Chris Windham rebounded from a rough start to post a strong 191 in Game 2. The team looked energized, confident, and maybe just a little smug in that charming squid-like way—like they’d heard the call and answered with strikes. “I released that perfectly—the universe just disagreed… in Game 1,” Windham admitted, before immediately correcting the universe in Games 2 and 3 and the scoreboard itself at the end of game 2. "If we had a beautiful ballroom there would not be scoring mistakes like that," added Walling. Three wins, a series victory, and Squid Row holds firm in 2nd place, tentacles wrapped tightly around success.

Over on lanes 3 and 4, The Queenpins didn’t just win—they issued a royal decree. A clean sweep over Thots & Spares, and not even the faintest hint of resistance. It felt like the room itself was chanting, “Turn it up, let the pins fall down!”

The Queenpins were radiant. #1 Power-Ranked and Most Valuable Bowler Jon Little—fresh off moving into a new home—delivered a performance for the ages. His 642 series was a personal league best and included a blistering 257 game. That’s not just hot—that’s the kind of moment where the whole building feels like it might erupt into chaos. Ryan Sisco backed him up with a strong 445 series, while Dustin Schmeltz kept things steady. Jon, calm and composed, simply said, “I just stayed in the zone,” which somehow translated into pure mayhem on the scoreboard. "By the way, my new home even has a ballroom so I don't know why the league can't have one," he added. It was electric, so frantically hectic. The Queenpins remain in 4th, but momentum is building like a rising chorus.

Thots & Spares, on the other hand, endured the agony of a full sweep. AJ Hofmann led with a 535 series, doing everything he could to keep things competitive, but it felt like they were always just one beat behind the rhythm of the night. Tim Deddens started hot with a 164 before cooling, while Scott Murdock stayed consistent but couldn’t quite break through. “Someone clapped at the wrong time. You don’t recover from that, and if we had more golden chandeliers in here it would inspire more respect,” AJ said, pointing first toward the rafters then vaguely toward Jeremy an his teammate (the girl in the corner). Three losses plus the series—devastating. They remain in 3rd place.

And finally, on lanes 5 and 6, we witnessed what can only be described as a full-on bowling ballroom blowout—like someone yelled “Everybody strike now!” and one team actually listened.

3 Pins and a Gutter were swept—completely and utterly—but not without bright moments. JoAnne Barber shined with a 407 series and a high game of 145, leading her team with confidence and consistency. Jesse Sauerbrei achieved a personal best 136 in Game 1, a moment of triumph that lit up the early frames. Jeremy Varnell and Nathan Burrows struggled to keep pace, both dipping below average as the night wore on. Still, the night felt like trying to keep up with a tempo that just kept getting faster. Jesse, riding the high of that personal best, still kept his humor intact. “My balls and I are currently not on speaking terms… so there needs to be some sort of room for them,” Jesse said. They remain in 6th, bittersweet but still swinging.

Hot-n-Ready® were unstoppable. A towering 806 in Game 2 felt like the crescendo of the entire night—relentless, loud, and impossible to ignore. #1 Head-to-Head Ian Estey led with a 635 series, backed by strong support across the board. It was the kind of performance where you could almost imagine someone shouting from the sidelines, “Now that’s how you roll it!” Seth Gunderson and Nick Kinney added strong, steady support, and Buck Nasty chipped in with a 208 because of course he did. “I know we are great, but if we could bowl in a proper ballroom we'd have beautiful golden 800 games every week,” Buck Nasty said. Four wins, total dominance, and they remain firmly in 1st place.

And there you have it, folks. No movement in the standings, but an avalanche of action, heartbreak, heroics—and a growing sense that one day, when that long-promised ballroom finally opens, the lanes won’t just echo with strikes…

They’ll erupt into a full-blown bowling ballroom blitz.

Bowlers who "somehow" made it past security at at The 200 Club include: Buck Nasty (208), Ian Estey (228,209), Jon Little (226,257), and Matthew Taylor (225)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Ian Estey had his way with Division 1, while Jon Little claimed victory in Division 2. Ryan Sisco trounced Division 3, and nobody claimed victory in Division 4 (though Jesse Sauerbrei came closest). In terms of overall points: Ian Estey governs Division 1; Scott Murdock calls the shots for Division 2; Tim Deddens leads Division 3; and Jesse Sauerbrei holds the reins in Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place 3 Pins and a Gutter (hcp 84) will chuck some balls with 4th-place The Queenpins. Gutterly Pinned is expected to maintain their current strength as they and split the series with Queenpins; while Queenpins are forecast to drop their average a bit while they keep the series tied.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 5th-place Walk Offs (hcp 179) will battle 1st-place Hot-n-Ready®. Walkers might roll a little low and get swept; while The Ready® ought to raise their average while they rack up a sweep.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 3rd-place Thots & Spares (hcp 84) will face 2nd-place Squid Row. Thots are predicted to have a bit of an off night and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Squids are anticipated to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Jon Little Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Jon Little Runner Up: Ian Estey	#1 H2H BOWLER Ian Estey Runner Up: Jon Little
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Can you explain that, Scoot? I use my pans every day, of course I love my cookware. How does that make me a pansexual?" Jesse, right on the cusp of understanding Jeremy's pun.