Well HELLO sports fans, pinheads, and lovers of feats of science — Alotta Tenpin here, reporting live from the lanes where dreams are made, shattered, and occasionally launched into lunar orbit! It was Week 10 of Spring 2026, and much like another TACO Tuesday with a two-week deadline, absolutely NOTHING changed in the standings. That’s right — a full night of thunder, drama, heroics… and a standings board that refused to budge.
But oh, the INDIVIDUAL GLORY! One bowler etched their name into history — Mike Fitzgerald blasted a brand-new personal best 173, a number so far above his average it practically needed mission control clearance. Meanwhile, JoAnne Barber dazzled with the women’s high game (147) and series (422), while Ian Estey went full bowling demigod with a scorching 233 game and a 586 series. I’m fairly certain Ian's balls briefly achieved low Earth orbit and took out a couple of Starlinks in addition to pins.
Read on, because darling — the lanes were ALIVE… and apparently, so was space.
Squid Row
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when a group of well-dressed sea creatures decide to dominate a bowling alley, allow me to introduce Squid Row — slippery, stylish, and absolutely ruthless. Winning 3 out of 4, including the total series, they flopped, flailed, and FLOURISHED their way to victory.
Let me start with Ben Spencer — a tall, thin, mostly bald marvel with a fiery orange beard that frankly could guide ships at sea. Back-to-back 204 games? EXCUSE ME? That’s not bowling, that’s naval artillery. Ben later told me, “I just kept throwing strikes because I’m extremely good at bowling,” which I will be submitting for scientific review.
Dennis Walling, your #1 Head-to-Head force of nature, delivered a crisp 201, while Chris Windham — towering, bearded, and dressed like the CEO of Squids — surged to a 212 in Game 3 after a slow start. Matthew Taylor added a clutch 200, because apparently this team manufactures 200 games offshore.
They did drop Game 2, yes — but they won the match, and you could feel the energy. The confidence. The unmistakable aura of a team that knows exactly which end of the lane is the business end. “We squeezed every last drop of ink out of those lanes,” Ben Spencer bragged. Squid puns AND dominance? Dangerous combination.
Squid Row remains in 2nd place, holding steady with no change in the standings — lurking just beneath first like apex predators of the deep.
Walk Offs
Oh, the Walk Offs. My heart. My drama. My emotionally rich, slightly flattened pancakes of perseverance. Winning just one game, they looked like a team trying to walk off into the sunset… only to realize the sunset had already clocked out.
Mike Fitzgerald STOLE the spotlight with a jaw-dropping 173, a full 60 pins over his average, the highest over-average game of the night. “I think the pins were smaller tonight,” Mike told me, and honestly? I will not be the one to argue with greatness.
Kurt Fredrickson added a strong 159 in their lone Game 2 victory, while Chris Hagan chipped in above-average work early. But Brian Schaben struggled to find rhythm, and the team just couldn’t string together enough momentum. “The lanes were tilted,” someone muttered, which I am choosing to treat as expert testimony.
They weren’t crushed… but they were definitely emotionally rearranged — and you could feel the weight of those missed opportunities.
The Walk Offs remain in 5th place, unable to walk up the standings despite their effort — no movement, just lingering frustration.
Hot-n-Ready®
Hot-n-Ready® didn’t just show up — they DELIVERED. Like a pizza. A flaming, unstoppable, perfectly-timed pizza of victory. Two games and the series, with first-place swagger dripping off every frame.
Ian Estey — thin, focused, glowing with the energy of a man who has seen things — unleashed a 233 that may or may not have briefly broken the sound barrier. This contributed to a 586 series, because moderation is for amateurs.
Seth Gunderson added a spicy 215, Nick Kinney fired a 213, and Buck Nasty, your #1 Power-Ranked maestro, oversaw the operation with a grin that said, “Yes, this is exactly how I planned it.” “We cooked,” Buck said simply. Sir… you baked the entire league.
They dropped Game 3, but let’s be honest — that felt like just a missing slice of error. The energy was electric, the confidence unmatched, and the scoreboard… decisive.
Hot-n-Ready® remains in 1st place, firmly planted at the top with no change — still the hottest thing on the lanes.
3 Pins and a Gutter
A team name that is both a warning and, occasionally, a prophecy.
They managed one win — Game 3 — and you could feel the emotional rollercoaster. Jeremy Varnell led with a team-high 181, bringing big energy and even bigger beard momentum. Nathan Burrows delivered a steady 428 series, powered, I assume, by cosmic kitten energy.
And then there’s JoAnne Barber, your Most Valuable Bowler, who calmly posted the women’s top game (147) and series (422) like it was just another Tuesday. “I carried this team,” she said, before blaming the oil pattern. Balance.
Jesse Sauerbrei’s 71 in Game 3 was a tough finish, and the team just couldn’t keep pace with the fiery oven of Hot-n-Ready®. The gutters were… unfortunately… very involved.
3 Pins and a Gutter remain in 6th place, stuck at the bottom with no change — searching for a spark to climb out of the gutter.
The Queenpins
Short-handed and heavy-hearted, the Queenpins managed just one win and lost the series in what can only be described as a dramatic unraveling — and darling, when I say short-handed, I mean mysteriously, suspiciously short-handed.
Ryan Sisco, Lindsay Sargent, and Dustin Schmeltz were all absent — and while official reports listed them as simply “not present,” I detected something… bigger. A vibe. A cosmic absence. A “possibly not even on this planet” kind of energy. I briefly checked the parking lot. No cars. I checked the snack bar. No popcorn disturbed. Where WERE they?
Despite this, Jon Little — young, flowing-haired, and suddenly a personal-best machine — rolled a 212 and a 522 series, a shining crown in an otherwise stormy night. “The pins just refused to cooperate,” he told me, which I deeply respect as a strategy.
But with so many teammates missing under what I can only assume were historic and possibly interplanetary circumstances, the depth wasn’t there. After winning Game 1, the momentum slipped away like a poorly thrown spare attempt… or perhaps like something drifting gently in zero gravity. Just a thought.
The Queenpins remains in 4th place, holding their his ground despite the chaos — no movement, but plenty of unanswered questions.
Thots & Spares
Thots & Spares strutted in and strutted OUT with 3 wins and the series, dripping with confidence despite their traumatic memories of previously being swept by this team — but even in victory, there was an air of mystery.
Jim Koger — notably absent — left behind questions. Big ones. The kind of questions that echo through the lanes. Where was he? Why was he gone? And why did I overhear someone say, “He’s probably doing something historic”? I cannot confirm anything, but I CAN speculate wildly, and I will: this did not feel like a normal absence. This felt like a man on a mission. Possibly a lunar one.
On the lanes, AJ Hofmann exploded for a 214 and a 522 series, delivering clutch performance after clutch performance. “I basically won this myself,” he said, boldly ignoring teamwork — a personal favorite genre.
Tim Deddens and Scott Murdock provided strong support, and after dropping Game 1, the team adjusted and took control like seasoned pros. Still, you couldn’t help but wonder… what if Koger had been here? Or more importantly… where WAS he?
Thots & Spares remain in 3rd place, confidently holding position with no change — rising energy, but still chasing the top two.
The Stowaways
And now, we go where no league recap has gone before — mid-lunar orbit.
Representing The Stowaways — Ryan Sisco, Lindsay Sargent, Dustin Schmeltz, and Jim Koger — these four deliberately hid aboard the Artemis mission, rode it all the way around the moon, and in doing so, because they were hiding in the cargo hold, technically became the real people who were farthest any humans have ever been from Earth, completely stealing that thunder from the actual astronauts. An all-time power move.
Then — naturally — they challenged the Artemis crew to a bowling match.
Ryan Sisco opened with a 189, including a shot where the ball floated past the pins, paused, and then clipped the 10-pin from behind. Lindsay Sargent’s 142 featured a hovering ball that finished a spare after being nudged by a drifting pin. Dustin Schmeltz detonated Game 3 with a 201, sending pins scattering like confused space debris.
Jim Koger added a clutch 178 in Game 2, including a spare where the ball rebounded and slowly wandered back into the rack like it forgot something.
“We didn’t come all this way just to NOT win,” Lindsay Sargent told me, brushing imaginary moon dust off her sleeve. “Also, I’m pretty sure I invented a new type of spare up here.”
They won Game 1, narrowly lost Game 2 (by fewer than 10 pins), and took Game 3 and the series, celebrating like interplanetary champions.
The Stowaways are not in the official league standings — but if they were, they’d currently be in 1st place in the “distance traveled” category by an astronomical margin.
The Artemis Crew
The Artemis astronauts — highly trained, deeply accomplished, and suddenly victims of the boldest thunder-stealing maneuver in human history — found themselves trying to process two realities at once: they were orbiting the moon… and they were no longer the farthest humans from Earth.
Commander Reid Wiseman led with a 205 in Game 2, delivering one of the cleanest, most controlled performances of the night. His shots cut through the zero-gravity chaos with surgical precision, the ball traveling in a straight, calculated line — a rare sight in a match where most deliveries resembled drifting satellites. “We accounted for spin, drift, and release velocity,” he explained, calmly, like a man who has absolutely rehearsed this sentence in a simulator.
Victor Glover added a stellar 198 in Game 1, though it came with heartbreak — a near-perfect strike attempt that turned tragic when the headpin floated slightly upward, gently avoiding contact like it had somewhere better to be. The remaining pins scattered lazily, resulting in what I am calling a “cosmic near-miss.”
Christina Koch anchored the team with a steady 181, showcasing incredible patience and timing. On one memorable spare, she released the ball and then simply… waited. And waited. And waited… until two drifting pins slowly aligned with a third, allowing a delayed but undeniable conversion. That’s not just skill — that’s orbital time management.
Despite their discipline, the Artemis Crew struggled with the unpredictability of the environment. On one frame, a perfectly thrown strike ball collided mid-lane with a slowly drifting pin from the adjacent lane — a moment that caused a brief rules discussion, a lot of pointing, and absolutely no resolution.
“We trained for years to handle zero gravity,” Commander Wiseman later admitted, shaking his head slightly. “We did not train for bowlers emerging from storage compartments and immediately taking our records AND our frames.”
They captured Game 2 in a tight battle, showing resilience and briefly regaining momentum, but couldn’t overcome the chaotic adaptability of The Stowaways in Game 3. The result: a 1–2 loss and a dropped series, along with the lingering realization that their historic mission now includes “got out-bowled in lunar orbit.”
The Artemis Crew are also not in league standings — but they do remain in 1st place in “actual astronauts,” which feels like a consolation prize at best tonight.
And so, dear viewers, the standings remain unchanged — but everything else? Utter chaos. Personal bests, dominant performances, suspicious absences, and a completely unauthorized lunar bowling match that redefined what it means to “travel for league night.”
I’m Alotta Tenpin — sideline reporter, part-time space analyst, and still convinced spin rate increases near the moon — reminding you to embrace the madness.
And if you enjoy unpredictable outcomes, emotional swings, and results that make absolutely no sense… don’t forget to check out this week’s bingo results.
Bowlers launching into The 200 Club include: AJ Hofmann (214), Ben Spencer (204,204), Chris Windham (212), Dennis Walling (201), Ian Estey (233), Jon Little (212), Matthew Taylor (200), Nick Kinney (213), and Seth Gunderson (215)
A new personal high game was set tonight by Mike Fitzgerald (173, previous best 164). Another new personal high game was set tonight by Jon Little (212, previous best 189).
In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Ian Estey routed Division 1, while nobody claimed victory in Division 2 (though Ben Spencer came closest). Tim Deddens triumphed over his enemies in Division 3, and Jeremy Varnell staked a claim for the Iron Throne in Division 4. In terms of overall points: Ian Estey calls the shots for Division 1; Scott Murdock holds the reins in Division 2; Tim Deddens governs Division 3; and Jeremy Varnell tops Division 4.
NEXT WEEK:
- First, on lanes 1&2, 4th-place The Queenpins (hcp 86) will battle 1st-place Hot-n-Ready®. Queenpins are expected to roll a little low and get swept; while The Ready® is forecast to raise their average while they rack up a sweep.
- Moving to lanes 3&4, 3rd-place Thots & Spares will test their mettle against 5th-place Walk Offs (hcp 95). Thots might maintain their current strength as they sweep the series; while Walkers ought to hold steady as they endure a rough night.
- Finally, on lanes 5&6, 2nd-place Squid Row will socialize with 6th-place 3 Pins and a Gutter (hcp 166). Squids are predicted to roll decently and sweep the series; while Gutterly Pinned is anticipated to hold steady as they endure a rough night.
*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)
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THIS WEEK'S MVB
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#1 POWER BOWLER
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#1 H2H BOWLER
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FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE)
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| Pos. | Team name | Record | Percent | Total Pins | Change |
| 1 | Hot-n-Ready® | 30.5-9.5 | .763 | 20,634 | n/a |
| 2 | Squid Row | 27.5-12.5 | .688 | 20,893 | n/a |
| 3 | Thots & Spares | 22-18 | .550 | 17,720 | n/a |
| 4 | The Queenpins | 18-22 | .450 | 17,530 | n/a |
| 5 | Walk Offs | 14-26 | .350 | 14,385 | n/a |
| 6 | 3 Pins and a Gutter | 8-32 | .200 | 14,628 | n/a |
| Men's High Series Scratch | Women's High Series Scratch |
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Ian Estey - 586 Ben Spencer - 558 Matthew Taylor - 554 Dennis Walling - 545 Seth Gunderson - 539 |
JoAnne Barber - 422 |
| Men's High Series Handicap | Women's High Series Handicap |
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Buck Nasty - 630 Ian Estey - 626 Dennis Walling - 621 Ben Spencer - 620 Jeremy Varnell - 611 |
JoAnne Barber - 599 |
| Men's High Game Scratch | Women's High Game Scratch |
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Ian Estey - 233 Seth Gunderson - 215 AJ Hofmann - 214 Nick Kinney - 213 Chris Windham - 212 Jon Little - 212 (t) |
JoAnne Barber - 147 |
| Men's High Game Handicap | Women's High Game Handicap |
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Ian Estey - 246 Jeremy Varnell - 243 Mike Fitzgerald - 242 Chris Windham - 242 (t) Jon Little - 239 |
JoAnne Barber - 206 |
| Men's Pins Over Average | Women's Pins Over Average |
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Mike Fitzgerald - 60 Jeremy Varnell - 59 Chris Windham - 50 Ian Estey - 50 (t) Jon Little - 46 Nick Kinney - 42 AJ Hofmann - 42 (t) |
JoAnne Barber - 21 |
