The thirteenth week of Spring 2025 proved unlucky for two teams, while two others escaped the curse and clawed their way up the standings. One bowler soared to new heights with a personal best, and Cat Atwood scratched out this week’s high game (124) and series (331) for the women. Matthew Taylor threw fireballs down the lane to capture the men’s high game (257) and series (580). But that’s just the beginning—keep reading for the thrilling details!

Joe shows Matt the best beam to use should it prove necessary for him to tie AJ to the rafters next week. "This beam offers good structural support, with the lowest risk of damage to the lanes or injury to others should he wriggle free and fall," Joe explained.

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: FILPB clobbered . Eff It came out swinging, with Aaron Barber rolling a rock-solid 540 series to help bag 3 wins over Team Name Loading. Cheers echoed across the lanes as the team locked in their top position, celebrating like champions. "I hope the league doesn't start charging rent for us squatting in First for so long," Barber joked. Meanwhile, Team Name Loading felt the loading bar stuck at 25%, with AJ Hofmann doing his best to carry the team with a 462 series, but only managing one lonely win. FILPB stays on the throne in 1st place, while Team Name Loading slides into 3rd -- grumbling something about needing to “reboot and install updates.”

Over on lanes 3 & 4: FFK batted their paws at Gutterly Hopeless. The Kittens came into the night hoping to scratch out a few wins, but their claws never quite caught. Dustin Schmeltz's 413 series couldn’t stop the clean sweep by a suddenly unstoppable Hopeless. Fueled by Most Valuable Bowler Chris Lenz and his impressive 442 series, Gutterly Hopeless were riding high—laughing, high-fiving, and shouting, “Guess who’s hopeless now?!” while cruelly pointing and laughing at the Kittens they'd just abused. The momentum launched them up to 4th place, while FFK was left stunned in 6th, their morale somewhere in the emergency litter box they keep under the ball return. (Which so far this season has gone unused, not even by Scoot.)

And finally, on lanes 5 & 6: Squid Row found their natural habitat was in the deep, the Bowls Deep. Squid Row struck fast and struck often, anchored by Matthew Taylor’s dominant 580 series and bolstered by #1 Head-to-Head and #1 Power-Ranked Chris Windham. The team inked their opponents with a four-game sweep and celebrated with a cheer: “zThe Deeeep doesn’t scare a squid—we live there!” Bowls Deep, meanwhile, found themselves in over their heads. Ian Estey's 492 series tried to keep the ship afloat, but the full sweep left the team reeling. “We’ve gone from Bowls Deep to Bowls Defeat,” Chris Hagan sighed. Squid Row ascends to 2nd, while DEEEEEEP sinks to 5th, dragging their pride behind them.

Bowlers sneaking into The 200 Club include: Aaron Barber (201), Buck Nasty (201), Chris Windham (200), Dennis Walling (201), and Matthew Taylor (257)

A new personal high game was set tonight by Buck Nasty (201, previous best 189).

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Seth Gunderson mopped up Division 1, while nobody claimed victory in Division 2, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 2 as it was a complete embarassment. Tim Deddens won Division 3, and Cat Atwood topped Division 4. In terms of overall points: Ian Estey runs the show in Division 1; Scott Murdock holds the reins in Division 2; Tim Deddens calls the shots for Division 3; and Cat Atwood governs Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 2nd-place Squid Row will meet with 6th-place FFK (hcp 88). Squid is expected to drop their averages like a brick as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Kittens are forecast to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 1st-place FILPB will challenge 5th-place Bowls Deep (hcp 100). Eff It might perform well and sweep the series; while DEEEEEEP ought to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 4th-place Gutterly Hopeless (hcp 76) will socialize with 3rd-place . Hopeless are predicted to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Team Name Loading is anticipated to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Chris Lenz Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Chris Windham Runner Up: Matthew Taylor	#1 H2H BOWLER Chris Windham Runner Up: Chris Lenz
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "The board voted last night to raise the price of the Croatian beers to six dollars." Joe, delivering the worst news the league has received since learning of the sudden closure of AMF Northland Lanes one week before the Spring 2021 Championsip

Pos.	Team name	Record	Percent	Total Pins	Change
1	FILPB	36.5-15.5	.702	25,324	n/a
2	Squid Row	32-20	.615	25,747	+1
3	(Team Name Loading)	31.5-20.5	.606	22,951	-1
4	Gutterly Hopeless	20.5-31.5	.394	19,087	+1
5	Bowls Deep	19.5-32.5	.375	19,844	-1
6	FFK	16-36	.308	21,498	n/a